Boredom is a privilege

I can’t remember the last time I was bored. Probably sophomore year of high school, before I had a phone.

When I was a kid, I remember being so frustrated by boredom. Nowadays, its impossible to feel that way. There’s content one click or a keyboard stroke away.

Even by accident, You go on youtube to look up how to do something, and 5 minutes later your find yourself scrolling youtube shorts.

This really fucked me up in college. I had huge trouble sleeping. I would consume short form content all the time. By the time I got to bed, my mind became super active. All the thoughts and problems I neglected to deal with would just flood my brain. I couldn’t sleep before 4 am. I was just not present.

Deleting all short form content helped, but I never got back to boredom. My sleep got better, but my mind was now flood with worry all the time.

When I was with friends, I worried about not studying or working.

When I was working, I worried about missing out on time with friends.

When I had a job, I worried about not learning fast enough.

When I got home and was trying to relax, I worried I wasn’t building enough side projects.

I used to think the answer to this was just passion. Once I found something I love to do, I wouldn’t have this constant worry.

I quit my job to build Cobalt. I love what I’m doing, but it’s still hard to compartmentalize. Startup success isn’t guaranteed, and every minute I’m not working on Cobalt feels like a missed opportunity. I think I realized that this is probably something that just comes with age. After a certain age, you’re just always worried about something.

Not all worries are equal. It’s a privilege to worry about something you care about.

But I do wish I could go back and feel boredom one more time. Back to when I didn’t expect anything from myself. When life just happened, and that was enough.